Untitled - yumisushiii

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Untitled


I'm glad I have you. I'm glad you always make me want to be a better version of myself. I'm glad I can tell you what goes on in my head without having the fear of being judged. You inspire me. You, your dorky smile with squinting chinky eyes, never fails to keep warm. If there's anything I'm grateful for, it's that you exist. There's no way to make this any simpler; your existence just brings me so much joy.

Now, with much bravado, I write this-- an open letter to the person who has made me feel a thousand times more alive.

I deviated from my depleted stoic temperament to be the more lively i-can-simultaneously-feel-all-the-feelings-right-now kind of girl. It's crazy how you have awakened the part of me that I have so carefully lulled to sleep over the past few years. Like shattered glass ever so carefully swept under a rug.

I've dealt with feelings before, I remember. No, not the same magnitude as what I'm feeling now, and in a slightly different context. A lot of things changed-- I have changed tremendously, pushing aside my socially-awkward self as I venture through the first few years of my "adult" life.

I'm thankful that you've opened the part of me that, so far, makes me stay grounded and occasionally stirred up.


The thing is, I learned a lot about love when I got cheated on and fell out of love. I learned how not all friends deserve to be called a "friend" when I took on the role of being a friend to all. I learned to enjoy my own company when my social life thrived. I learned so much about life when I was living it behind locked bedroom doors after my grandma died.

It's scary and thrilling at the same time to know that I've come so close to losing myself-- living for a job that drains me to the core, counselling a friend who just sees me as an emotional sponge, pushing myself way too hard to do more and achieve more each day while putting on the boring and heartless front to cover the pains of the past.

All the things I used to enjoy, you brought them back-- you brought me back. You know me so well; you have put all the pieces together and I never thought I'd love this kind of vulnerability. Who would've thought that this carefully-planned-and-scheduled-strong-and-independent-mostly-apathetic little miss would let her life be shaken by love?

To know that I'm carefully put back together by love is something else. 2016 will forever mark the start of my new-old self; with that, I owe you and I'm forever grateful. All you did was love me, and that's enough.

from my heart to yours,
Yumi

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